


No Turning Back

by Eustacia Vye (eustaciavye)



Series: Infinity War Fix It [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 06:50:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14514795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eustaciavye/pseuds/Eustacia%20Vye
Summary: In the aftermath, memories of an in between time surface.





	No Turning Back

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aerith_Mon_Kishu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aerith_Mon_Kishu/gifts).



> Partly inspired by a prompt from [aerithmonkishu](http://aerithmonkishu.tumblr.com/)

This was real, and there was no turning back.

Looking at the gray metal that had once been suffused with life, Natasha couldn't feel anything but horror. Wanda would be devastated, but she couldn't find it in herself to seek her out and offer up comfort and sympathy. Vision's death was real and that meant Thanos had all of the Infinity Stones, and the ashes all around her had been friends and comrades.

And the lover she had only just gotten back.

***

"You're looking good," Natasha had said, a wry twist to her mouth and amusement in her eyes. She leaned against the doorway to the room that Bucky was using to suit up.

He turned to her, sleek and clean except for the scruff on his face. She had gotten used to it with Steve, and had seen Bucky's face like that before. Even his smile was achingly familiar, and her smile softened a bit without her realizing it. "Thanks. Feeling better. More like myself."

"The time here has been good."

"Cleansing," he agreed with a nod, and tapped his temple with vibranium fingers. "Here, too. Shuri got the triggers out, as best as we can tell, and rewired a lot of the neural connections that Hydra had put in for the arm." He wiggled his fingers as a demonstration. "Not to mention that the balance is much better now."

"So does that mean the Winter Soldier memories are gone?"

The partial smile slid off of his face. "No, I remember."

"But not all of it was bad, right?" she asked, voice deceptively light.

She could see the flicker of understanding in his eyes. "No, not all of it was bad." He stepped forward slowly, leaving the jacket behind on the table. "I remember, Natalia."

Natasha knew that she looked up at him with a desperate kind of expression. "I seem to feel something real at all the wrong times," she began.

He touched her lips with a metal finger, and pulled the lower lip down slightly. "It means we're human," he murmured softly. "Because I wasn't supposed to be, and neither were you."

"You were the Winter Soldier," she said, voice cracking slightly. "You weren't supposed to be a man. I was supposed to be marble."

"Thank god you're not," Bucky said, voice rough with emotion. He leaned in and kissed her, years of pent up memories and emotions coming through. He held her close, and Natasha threaded her hands through his hair. It was long and silky now, not unkempt and tangled, and she could still feel the power in his body. She kissed him back with everything she had, as if she could communicate with that touch.

Perhaps she could, because he seemed to understand. "It's like before, isn't it?" he murmured, hands falling to the buckles on her tac vest. His lips quirked. "There's never enough time, never a future we can count in more than minutes."

"If we hadn't met in the Red Room," she began, her watery smile faltering. "What would we have been like?"

"I see you as a fighter," Bucky declared, lifting his chin slightly. "I was in the Army, and I can see you as a combat nurse sneaking out in the field to kick ass if anyone got in the way of you saving lives."

Natasha laughed, but didn't think he was exactly wrong. "I like that."

"And you and I would of course meet on the battlefield. We survive the war, because we have to. There's too much to lose if we don't."

"And then afterward?" she asked, curious about this alternate vision of them. "We start to build a life together?"

"I used to want kids. In the 40's, I mean," he said with a self-deprecating laugh, keeping her pulled flush against him. He let his fingers trail down her back, and there was a fond smile on his face. "It was expected at the time, like enlisting and all that. But I really wanted to. Have the house and kids thing, the sounds of neighbors everywhere, doing ordinary things. Grocery shopping and birthday parties, homework, picking up the kids after school..."

She wanted to laugh at the incongruous image, but she had enjoyed those kinds of things with Lila and Cooper. "Hanging up drawings on the refrigerator. Playing in the park," she added.

"I like how you think," he said with a smile, swinging her around a little.

"I wish it could be real."

That made him freeze and then sigh, letting go of her. "I'm sorry."

Natasha gave him a watery smile and reached out to grab both of his hands. "I'm not. I don't know if I could handle that kind of life. I'd have to be a completely different kind of person. If the Red Room hadn't existed, maybe I could. Maybe I'd be good at it."

"I think you can be good at whatever you put your mind to," he murmured, drawing her closer.

"I wish we had time."

Bucky sank down to his knees in front of her, a devilish smile on his lips and a dare in his eyes. "We might have just enough."

It had always been fast and rough, stolen moments during a mission that weren't supposed to happen. Why should this be any different?

***

Natasha looked around the treeline, but couldn't see Bucky. There was devastation written in everyone's faces, and she could hear Rhodey calling for Sam. Oh, God, not him, too?

The utter loss on Steve's face clinched it. She hadn't been there to see Bucky disintegrate, but maybe that was better. She wouldn't have to remember him that way, but as the smiling man down on his knees, dreaming of another lifetime. She could remember him moving across the battlefield with purpose and determination.

_We survive the war, because we have to. There's too much to lose if we don't._

This was all too real now, and reality _hurt._


End file.
